report 2-14-06

This week has been pretty much average. The normal struggle of getting the kids to study, and do devotions, and clean, and work, and stay out of trouble, and the list goes on. We have started to have devotions together as staff, students, and kids. That is definitely good for the kids as well as the students.

In my spiritual life I have been struggling to keep myself "afloat" lately. These days I fight to do devotions, fight to pray, fight to even get my thinking off myself. I have been really pouring my heart out to God in my journal, I feel like David, why don't you hear me, God? Why are you so far away? All my energy is spent chasing kids around yelling at them to do what they are supposed to do. A couple of nights ago in devotions we were having group prayer (something I have never experienced in such a way as they do it here, everyone walks around and prays LOUD and claps and dances and does whatever else). These times always distract me, not being used to it so much. I was finished praying and I was looking at the kids (I know, you aren't supposed to do that), and I was watching this one girl, and she was crying, literally crying before God. We were only praying for school, and she was crying. I was like, God these kids, these lazy, stubborn, obnoxious (certainly not all of them or all the time, but at the time how I felt about some of them) kids can pray this way. Why can't I? What is wrong with me? Why can't I get over myself and just pray like I mean it? Why do I have to be so "traditional"? Why am I pretending to be all "spiritual" when right now I don't even feel like it? Why can't I let myself be broken before God in front of people? Then I started to cry. Needless to say it was a good time of refreshment for my dry spirit. Devotions are still a battle, I still have to fight to have time for my own spiritual nourishment, but I am fighting harder now.

I have also been reading out of the Teen Missions Library. All of those missionary stories and such. And I have been reminded in my own life to look for God's hand in everything. One thing I have been noticing lately is water. It is really dry here these days, and my water gets finished quicker than I'd like. I have noticed though, the last few times, the water stays until the exact day it rains and I can collect more. Last week I was supposed to be out of water, then I found one 5 liter jug FULL!! Then when that one was empty I was going to have to go to the bore hole, and I looked down sadly at my jugs and the very one I had poured the water out of before was half way full! I can tell you, I was definitely praising the Lord!! That lasted me through the end of the day and the next morning it rained!! I know that it was definitely God giving me the extra water!! I have been noticing more than ever the little things like that, things that I may have just dismissed as forgetfulness before, now I am seeing, it's not me... God is taking care of me. I praise Him for His power!!

Another refreshing spring in my life has been the start of the English service at church. It just started Sunday, but I am SO excited about it! I have been sitting in churches for months like a bump on a log. Not understanding much, not knowing all the songs, not being fed at all. Now we are singing English songs, hearing the Word in English. Even just after one service I am feeling refreshed! Even in this spiritual valley, I am amazed at the way God is working in my life, that I was too blind to see before! Praise God for his ability to take the spiritual blinders off.

Saturday I started to get Malaria, again. It seems like a monthly thing for me. It's been about a month since last time. yuck! But this time isn't so bad. Clarissa has been giving me some food, since my appetite has gone and I am too tired to prepare for myself. Thank the Lord for her and Simon's generosity and care for the staff. Other than that I am ok.

Thank you for your prayers, please continue to pray for me.
In Him,
Sarah

Happy Valentines day Everyone!!! Hope you are having a great day!!!